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Click here for Part One of Dallas' story Click here for Part Two of Dallas' story
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SHARING HER STORY: What it's like when a friend's in trouble by Jess Lipowski
Last week, I helped write a piece about a young
man named Dallas who disappeared and later killed himself. This
week, I want to share an experience with a friend. About a month ago, a long-time friend contemplated suicide. We go back a long way. We met when I was in eighth grade and have had an on-and-off relationship since then. We stopped talking altogether for about a year in the tenth grade after a bitter fight over relationships. We started talking again a year later. It was awkward because I was in another relationship, but he would call to talk about random pressures in life. We would talk often, though we didn't talk as much this past summer and this semester. Then one day, as I was studying for a huge exam, I took a study break and he sent me an Instant Message (IM). I had ignored lots of previous messages but the I responded to was the worst message of all. He said he had no reason to live, no reason to be happy. He had felt and seen things that no one should in a lifetime, let alone in five or 10 years. He had the knife ready, sitting next to him by the computer. Yes, I was his good friend. I would do anything
for him, or so I thought. He placed his trust in me, one of three
people he fully trusts with his life. This conversation, though,
left me speechless. What was I supposed to do? I kept thinking: I don't have time for this. I don't want to deal with this. How
was I supposed to help him? What would happen if he actually killed
himself? How
would I feel? How could I let something like that happen to anyone,
let alone him? Why did I respond to this message when I had ignored
so many others? But
most importantly, how do I help him? First of all, I talked to him for hours upon end. Even when I was tired and felt like giving up, I knew I couldn’t. After nothing seeming to work, I tried to find people to help me. I called his best friend, but that resulted in tears. I knew further action had to be taken, so I called his mother. She said she would intervene, but I also searched out suicide help lines and other ways to help. He lives in another town, but I found the name of his Resident Assistant (RA) and the local hospital’s number. I finally left my friend about four in the morning
when he
was admitted into the psych ward nearby. His Mom thanked me
for all my help and reassured me that everything would be okay. But I was left with this feeling of guilt and
fear. How was I
supposed to feel? Was he really going to be okay? His life
was in my hands. What if something happened? What if he
killed himself? How would I feel? How could I have let something
like that happen? My answer? Crying. I cried for hours, worried sick about him. Was he going to thank me or be angry? Was
he going to be miserable when he got out? Was his life really
going to better than it was before? A couple days later, I received a call
from him. He thanked
me. He was pissed, but appreciated the fact that he had someone
to watch out for him. He realized that he had something to live
for. I
guess he just felt lost and needed some encouragement, a little love
in his life. Sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on. I call him once in a while to make sure he’s doing okay. All the advice I can give, though, is to listen. Show them that you love them and care about them. Sometime’s that is the difference between life and death. PUBLISHER'S NOTE: And reach out for professional help. Congratulations to Jessica for having the courage to call him mother and his RA. It's good to report a story with a happy ending. AREA RESOURCES FOR HELP
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Other
things to watch for- Suicidal impulses, statements, plans;
giving away favorite things; previous suicide attempts, substance
abuse, making out wills, arranging for the care of pets,
extravagant spending, agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness
or lethargy.