Taking another fresh look at MSU

Dealing with social phobia and panic disorder

by Chelsea Dyer

The last summer before I enter college has been many adjectives all crammed into one tiny space.  Up, down, around, back, forward and spinning in circles until I vomited -- all have taught me things about myself that some people never learn in a lifetime. Essentially I’ve taken so much from this summer and can honestly say I am excited about starting fresh at MSU. 

Hopefully you’ve read (and enjoyed) my blog here on SpartanEdge called “A Fresh Look,” which chronicles my experience as a freshman.  I started writing at the end of May and I can honestly say that in about two and a half months, I’m a much better person on many levels. 

Whether you’ve read it or not (you should start if you haven’t…) you should know I’m pretty much an open book—which is very noticeable in my writing.   I’ve had a lot of obstacles thrown at me throughout my life that I haven’t been fully equipped to deal with.  Having been through the trenches I know how important it is to feel like you’re not alone in the world.  Through writing, specifically my blog, I’ve had the opportunity to hopefully touch some people with my honesty.  What I realized is I’ve never really put that much thought into how I treat myself. 

Mind you, having social phobia and panic disorder haven’t made it easy to be good to myself, especially all the years I was unaware of what was wrong with me, but things are changing.  I thought back in June at my Academic Orientation Program I was ready for all that college had to throw at me, until I was knocked down—hard.  I can’t say that things have been easy since then, because they certainly have not, not in the least.  What I can say is that having been knocked back once again I finally got it - I understood what I’ve been missing for years.  Essentially I’m important, just as important as anyone else and I deserve to be treated well by myself and others.  Not only that, but I can be myself without being afraid that—gasp!—someone might not like me.  I’m sure they won’t, but I’m not going to like everyone either.  So I’m coming back to MSU as a B.A.M.F. If you don’t know what that is, I think you should crawl out of the rock you’ve been living under… Or just Google it.  Look up Dane Cook; he’s a funny guy. 

           
I’m coming into MSU as a freshman journalism major and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the following (or some variation of the following, not a direct quote, well I don’t think it was…), “Oh wow, Journalism., Lots of competition.  I don’t think I could handle it, but hopefully you can.”

A year ago, even a few months ago, I don’t think I could have confidently said that I could do it… now I can. I think I really understand why I’ve been through so much and that’s so that I could develop the thick skin I currently have.  I absolutely love what I do and I haven’t felt like something was this right in my whole life. 

Everyone’s got something that they’re meant to do and for me, at least at this point in my life, writing is it.  With all the junk thrown at me, especially over this summer, I know I can handle quite a bit.  I have a confidence in myself that couldn’t have been achieved without having thrown myself to the dogs only to come out stronger than before. 

I’ve got my mind ready for the trials that I’m going to face at MSU.  I’m also ready for all the great things that I’m going to experience.  I know that I’ve got some really big things ahead of me which is going to make the ride there that much more fun.  Thanks to Spartan Edge, I’ll be able to share what is undoubtedly going to be an eventful year.   

I look forward to becoming a better writer, a better person, and meeting as many people as I possibly can.  East Lansing get ready.  By the way, the name’s Chelsea Dyer… I think you’ll be hearing it quite a bit in the future.