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The Best Condom: Durex Performax
While most people come to college to learn about wholesome subjects like math, science, and whatever is taught in IAH 201, there are a few who choose to learn anatomy with other like-minded individuals. Unfortunately all that studying can lead to diseases. Luckily there are products like condoms to help keep studying safe, and in the interest of providing the best educational experience possible, here are the results of our condom tests. This will be on the exam. Durex Tropical (Banana Flavor) Alex: This condom obviously has the purpose of being used during oral sex, unless there are women out there with taste buds between their legs. The irony of it is that the back of the box says: “Non-vaginal use of condoms can increase the potential of them slipping or being damaged.” Oh well, better to have some protection than none. I did not sample the taste of the condom as I dislike artificial banana and from the smell of it, it was just like a Banana Laffy Taffy. The wrapper for it felt very strong but opened easily; always a good thing. It was easy to put on and it stayed on quite well, and when we finished, it was easy to remove. Sara: T his one doesn’t feel too bad, and it actually tastes really good! Well, if you’re into artificial banana, I suppose. It reminded me forcibly of a Laffy Taffy. We figured this was made flavored for a reason, so experimented to see what oral sex is like with a condom on. With the added bonus of flavor, the sensations were very similar to those of a typical blow job. So if you like giving head and avoiding diseases, this is definitely worth the purchase. And they do come in flavors besides banana. Verdict: Use it for oral sex, there are better ones for true intercourse. *** Trojan Ultra Ribbed Alex: This condom came in a wrapper similar to a cut-open juice box, which made it feel a little less pocket or wallet-worthy than the Durex offerings. The application of it was pretty easy, though the ribs did make it a little more difficult to tell if it was on completely. It also felt a bit tighter than the Durex ones, which affected erectile quality. However the ridges added a lot to making it feel like unprotected sex. Sara: This condom is durable almost to a fault. Make sure your man is completely ready-to-go before you put it on, because it was actually difficult to tell how hard he was once we got the thing on. That is, however, the biggest fault I could find. The ribs were much more subtle than I imagined before we opened the package, but they did make sensations slightly more interesting. It seemed to me that the ribbing actually countered the feeling of the lubrication, so that sex felt much more natural. Don’t get me wrong, you can tell the difference, but this is a much better option than some. Verdict: Not bad, but the tightness’ effect almost cancelled out the added sensations. *** Durex Intense Sensation Alex: After looking at the back of the box I was most interested in this condom. The illustration made it look like a baby’s toothbrush, but when I applied it I was quite disappointed. The little sensation bumps were almost unnoticeable both in visibility and in feeling, so I felt a bit misled by this one. Sara: With a name like “Intense Sensation” and a surface covered in little bumps, this condom’s advertising gave me very high expectations. I was therefore surprised when it turned out to be spectacularly average. It wasn’t terrible, but the pleasure dots (or whatever they were) did very little to add extra texture or increase stimulation. The condom itself was still of pretty good quality, but if they’re charging extra for those dots you’d be better off putting your money someplace else. Verdict: Don’t go out of your way for this one. It’s an average product with great advertising. ** Lifestyles Assorted Color Alex: The package of this condom is as secure as the Durex condoms and they were free at the Health Department, but that is where any praise for them ends. The latex used in it looked and felt significantly cheaper than the other condoms tested, and its actual use was even worse. Sex while using it felt like we had emptied an entire bottle of KY on our happy bits. It also reminded me of when I had a broken arm and had to shower wearing a plastic bag over my cast. Use it only if you have no intention of sleeping with the person ever again and don’t care about being considered terrible in bed. Sara: If you’re in a pinch and honestly feel that any sex is better than no sex, a Lifestyles condom might do the trick. They are cheap, and you can often get them for free at a family planning clinic or dorm bathroom, and they’re safer than unprotected sex…but those are the only good things I can say about them. I would get more pleasure out of a night with a vibrator than a man wearing one of these condoms, even if he’s a Casanova. They’re thin, feel cheap, and are unpleasantly slick. They are so slick, in fact, that not only does it feel nothing like a penis inside you, it can actually hurt a little. Use only these if you have to. Verdict: They were free and not even worth that. Be a “big spender” and put down a dollar on one of the others listed. * Durex Performax Alex: Again, the Durex packaging feels very secure and opens easily, a plus for safety-conscious lovers out there. I was worried while applying it as it felt rather slick on the outside and reminded me of the Lifestyles fiasco. However as we had sex it felt very secure yet provided the most natural sensations without needing any gimmicky ridges. I didn’t notice a sex-prolonging effect from the “climax control lubricant” it advertises, but that could be because the Performax actually felt like unprotected sex. Sara: I definitely felt that this was the best of the bunch. It didn’t look like anything special, but was well made and easy to work with. It felt moderately slippery for the first thirty seconds or so, but felt progressively more natural after that. While no condom is going to be perfect, this one almost had me believing I was having natural, condom-less sex. It is minimally intrusive into the experience: you actually feel close to your partner if you’re using one of these. In short, this is as close as you can get to the real thing. Verdict: The best of all the condoms tested. It protects you and barely inhibits the feeling of your partner. ***** Where to Find Them: Lifestyles Assorted Colors: Free from most RAs and health centers. Durex Pleasure Pack (includes one “Performax”, one “Tropical”, and one “Intense Sensation”) $2.99 at 7-11. Trojan Ultra Ribbed: 3-pack, $2.99 at 7-11 Larger packs of these brands (for those of you who are working long, hard nights to graduate early) are available at just about any pharmacy or grocery store in town. |
