SURVIVING MSU AS A LOCAL

Let me be your guide

by Mitra Sticklen

Sure, I know which bars don't check IDs on which nights. Yeah, I've seen two girls Jell-O wrestling in a front yard on Ann Street. Of course I know what the letters stand for in QD, SBS, FBC, VTG, VOA and ELFCO. And yes, I know where you should take your date to dinner even if you're broke.

That's right, I'm a local of this magnificent paradise called the greater Lansing area. I've been eating at Charlie Kang's and Clara's since I was a toddler. And I know this city like I know my name.

A short geography quiz

This is : Mitra's home town of Okemos A charming village in France A sad example of suburban sprawl

I grew up in Okemos, best described as a 'city' with a block-long culturally interesting section and about three other miles of suburban vomit. Ah, yes, my childhood. Let's just say I spent most of my high school years doing what most people spend their college years doing.

By day I was a straight A student, but at night I went/snuck out with my older friends around town. I did my first drunken stumble home from a co-op party when I was 13 and by the time I was 15, I had regular hangouts, mostly at Howlan House (R.I.P.) or Cafe Latte.

My life took a deeper plunge into that scene after I turned 16 and got my first job. You never realize how great it is to have steady income with free room and board until it's gone! All that pizza delivery money was spent on driving around town, going to shows (some at Temple Club but most in Detroit), thrift shopping and quite a number of illegal activities for a seemingly innocent high school broad. Yeah, those were the days. . ..

Well, needless to say I got most of my stupid party bullshit out of my system while I was still a minor! Good thing too, because if I got caught doing some of that crazy shit now I'd probably be in prison for a while . . .stay in school and off the streets, kids!

Well, when it came time to apply to colleges there was really only one place I had in mind, since MSU professors' kids get ½ off tuition. So I sucked it up and stayed right here and did something REALLY rare and stayed outta the dorms freshman year. I don't know how things would have been different, but I sure as hell liked having a kitchen and a car. Plus I could throw parties and play loud music and do all sorts of stuff without getting paranoid the way people do in a dorm (you know who you are, you undercover dorm smokers and drinkers).

A "pro" aspect of MSU that I took for granted is surely the lovely scenery. The campus is beautiful, and very spread out and full of a variety of trees and gardens. Fellow local John Crafts agrees, adding that, "EL is only bearable during the summer…because all the stupid frat boys and drunk sluts are back in the suburbs."

But summer always comes to an end, and with it come all the confused young chaps and dames, all dressed up with no idea where to go. It was always funny helping out the newbs who didn't even know where Hagadorn was. They'd be asking me Which frat throws the best parties? Where can I get some good Indian food in town? Are there any good museums around here? I never mind answering questions and it was a way to get to know people. Sure, they were usually drunk, but who wasn't, right?

That brings me to my next point: drinking. Yeah, I know MSU has this rep of being a big drunky party fun palace, and that's bound to attract lots of fake-tan bleach-blonde party sluts along with their iron-pumping counterparts who reek from half a bottle of Axe. As my dear friend Sarah Crockett explained, "MSU practically encourages the drink 'til you die attitude, with their Sparty On stickers and MSU brand beer pong tables." But there is really no excuse for some of the asinine drunk stunts I've seen. . .

~frat dude jumping out of second story onto snow bank and breaking his leg

~broads outside Rick’s catfighting, one pushing the other into traffic

~vodka chugging contest (no, that is not a joke - it's just really fucked up)

~angry guy punching a cement wall repeatedly at a party. Result: broken wrist

~group trying to drink and dash at Harper's and getting busted. . .by the cops

I could go on. The point is, I did my stupid drinking disasters when I was a freshman and sophomore in HIGH SCHOOL and now these bigass body builders are doing dumb shit, but they're doing it with 200 pounds to throw around. Or those party lesbians (you know who you are) who only make out with girls if there are some horny pricks watching.

Sure, everyone makes mistakes a few times, but then you know what your limits are.

Some of you Spartans like to drink 'til you black out every week or more, and that's just called alcoholism. And it's called annoying the piss out of me when some trashed bitch tries to start shit or even cut in front of me in the keg line because her skirt is shorter than mine. And guess what? I can hold my own, I don't drink to the point of retardation, and I will not put up with you inebriated imbeciles killing my buzz. So if these descriptions sound like you, steer clear of the girl with the bangs because she will fuck you up.

But I digress. As more of my college friends moved out of the dorms and into the neighborhoods or apartments, my local knowledge became highly valuable. I know where to get cheap food necessities (Asian Market), sleazy pawned items (Dicker and Deal), a fantastic movie selection (Video To Go), killer Mexican pastries (Lopez Bakery), and practically anything else you'd want. I even know which rental companies will treat you like family and which ones will treat you like a third world hooker. I had to learn some things the hard way, but I'm glad that I know the dirty little secrets around Lansing. MSU might be the bland party school I despise, but knowing cool places to go and rad people to associate with has helped make Lansing appeal to me as a lively and interesting city.