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The secret dangers of MSU
The MSU campus is one dangerous place. Monday morning my alarm goes off, with its usual cheerful song that I chose to inspire me to become a semi-coherent human being. Right away I leapt out of bed to turn it off so I can, of course, go back to sleep. But before I knew it, I was face first on the ground. Damn sheets jumped off the bed and tripped me, I swear. This is not the first time I have been foiled by inanimate objects and, much to my dismay, it will probably not be the last. But I am not alone. Don’t deny it we have all seen people like me on campus. You, who tried to swing your backpack onto your back, missed and hit yourself instead. We’ve seen you poke yourself with your cell phone antenna. Don’t think no one noticed that time you tripped walking down the side walk and kept on walking like nothing happened. And, trust me, we all saw you injure yourself trying to open your umbrella during the last rainstorm. You have been called a klutz, clumsy or absent minded. But I disagree. You are not to blame, oh fair and wise MSU student. You are just an unlucky pawn living in a society of hidden dangers. Here at MSU they often warn students against the common dangerous of campus life. Don’t walk alone at night. Always lock your doors. Never ever let someone you don't know into your building. This advice is all well and good, but the administration has left out some of the other things around campus that could potentially be very dangerous to your health. If you live in a dorm, the possibility for injury is endless. Come on now, does showering in flip-flops really seem safe? That's just an accident waiting to happen. And let’s not even mention the extreme danger you put yourself in by showering in community bathrooms. Two words: flushing and toilets. There you are, oh naive one, singing happily to your self one Monday morning in the shower, when you hear it. That ominous sound can only mean one thing. You, poor showerer, are about to meet the same fate as many showerers before you have met - you are about to be scalded. You have just a split second to think. Nimble person I know you are, hopefully you will be fortunate enough to jump out of the water and into safety. Nothing like a brush with death to wake you up in the morning. Lofts and bunk beds can also be treacherous places. If your cell phone rings, do not - I repeat - do not attempt to jump off the top bunk to answer it. Friends and family who care about your well being will understand if you miss their call trying to save yourself from certain destruction. And don’t think being on the bottom bunk will make you an safer. It won’t seem so “safe” when you smack your head on the top bunk when you sit up in the morning. Then there are those electrical cords you have strung all over the room so that you can plug 700 appliances into two outlets. When they meet your unsuspecting feet, they become weapons of mass destruction. And the list of hazards goes on. Taking notes in class alone could result in several injures. You could get a paper cut, which could eventually lead to an infection and certain death. Or you could accidentally poke your self in the eye with a pencil. CATA busses are on the list. One moment you are standing when the bus hits a bump and you find yourself airborn, spiraling out of control until gravity takes its toll and you find you’re self on the lap of an un-expecting stranger. On the other hand, if you are desperate enough to risk your life by venturing the bus system, this could be a great way to meet a potential significant other. Free lap dance anyone? So now you have been warned. Danger is everywhere. Even in unexpected places. I have a friend (who will remain nameless), who injured herself country line dancing at one of the special event nights at the international center. No yee hawing for her, that’s for sure. So I salute you courageous MSU student, for meeting this danger head on and facing it, not just once, but everyday of your known lives here at Michigan State University. James Bond would be proud. |
