It was a scene that could have happened in any dorm at any university.

A college girl put on an oversized sweatshirt and brushed her hair on a Sunday morning around noon to attend breakfast with her dorm friends and talk about the fun Saturday night they had had. Due to her massive hangover and the bright sunlight streaming through the windows and making her head ache, she also put on large dark sunglasses. When her friends saw her wearing sunglasses indoors, they laughed.

“What happened?” one asked. “Did your boyfriend beat you?”

They all laughed and went to breakfast, forgetting the incident. But that flip, it-can’t-happen-to-me-or-my-friends attitude toward domestic violence is common among college students—about as common as domestic violence itself. That is, very common.

“One in four women experiences some kind of abuse in a relationship,” said Holly Rosen, director of MSU Safe Place, which has provided shelter and outreach services to victims in the Michigan State University and greater Lansing communities since 1994.

“Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. It could be a 13-year-old girl dating or a 97-year-old woman who has been married for years,” Rosen said. “There are myths that people who have money or are educated aren’t abused. But it’s just more visible in poorer neighborhoods where the police are called more.”

“It can affect any race, class—at MSU we see a lot of international students.”

Domestic violence is also a problem in same-sex relationships. Men are victims too, but according to the MSU Safe Place Web site, men are the perpetrators in 95 percent of cases of reported violence. It is true, however, that many, many cases go unreported.

MSU Safe Place offers a number of services for victims of domestic violence, including community education and referral information, as well a place to go when home isn’t safe anymore.

“We are the only university in the country to have a shelter on campus and that’s very unique,” said Rosen.

The emergency shelter, which is at a confidential location, is available free of charge for 30 days. MSU Safe Place also offers advocacy—job and legal services—for people who are getting out of abusive relationships.

Rosen recommends if you suspect a friend of being abused, you confront the friend without making accusations.

“I think the best thing to do is say, ‘I don’t know if you’re being abused, and you don’t have to tell me if you are or not, but I’m concerned about your safety,’” said Rosen.

The warning signs of a friend in an abusive relationship are someone who acts differently when around her partner, makes up lies to cover for her partner’s behavior, becomes isolated, puts herself down, takes blame for things that aren’t her fault and goes out less. Physical signs include injuries that are blamed on “clumsiness.”

If you witness physical abuse, it’s OK to call the police.

“Call the police if somebody’s not safe,” said Rosen. “If [he or] she says not to call the police, it might be because her boyfriend might be hearing her. Of course, she’s going to say no.”

Waiting for a violent outburst to confirm suspicions of abuse is not a good idea—physical abuse is often the last sign of abuse.

“People tend to focus on the visible. There are hundreds of tactics. It’s not just physical abuse. Sexual abuse and sexual humiliation is a huge part of it.”

Sexual humiliation is forcing the victim to take part in degrading sex acts, such as sex with animals or sex with multiple partners.

“And of course there’s sexual assault—taking what isn’t their right to take,” Rosen said. “It’s that control issue.” Often the abuser will use this against the victim later - if you tell anyone about this, I’ll tell them the kinky things you’ve done.

Other tactics include technological control, which is when the abuser checks the victim’s cell phone, e-mail and the odometer on her car, and often accuses her of seeing other men. There’s also economic control, where the abuser controls the victim’s access to money, even if she brings home the paychecks.

Rosen said the first step most victims need to take is to recognize that they are being abused.

“You have to forget the label ‘battered woman.’ It compartmentalizes you,” she said. “If you are walking on eggshells or afraid, you’re probably being abused.”

“Even if he tells you not to tell anyone, you can get support without leaving,” Rosen said. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s not your fault.”