When it comes to matters of love, look to the French for answers

I remember when I was little, I asked my mother this question. She said to me: “Don’t worry, you’ll know.” And you know what? I did.

Not that it was particularly easy after that, but I would have to say that I am more in love today than I ever was. But then, I am getting old and senile. I have noticed that many patients with Alzheimer’s Disease can’t remember anything, they don’t even know who they are or where they are, but they sure are happy. I think that means most of everything we worry about is a waste of our time. So I guess the answer still is, “Don’t worry, you’ll know.”

There actually is a huge amount of research developing on this subject, if you believe in social science data. A lot of it has come from the Internet, believe it or not, like from eHarmony.com and several other similar sites. When I was in graduate school, we used to run computer dances for the freshmen. We gave them huge questionnaires and tried to determine which variables had the most predictive ability for how much members of the dyad liked each other.

I hate to tell you this, but the most important variable was attractiveness. The closer the two people were to each other in attractiveness, the more they liked each other. What that said to me was that the better looking you are, the more likely you are to have someone fall in love with you.

Now we have additional data that says falling in love is more complicated than this. Mates tend to choose people whose immune system is different from theirs and whose use of Dopamine and Seratonin are different because this sets up a maximizing genetic potential for the embryo.

But you need to find someone whose beliefs and values are most like yours so you can communicate together. Love is about communication and shared values – What a huge leap from brain chemistry and immune systems. Not to mention how attractive you are. By the way, chocolate has a compound in it that fires up the Dopamine chemistry in the brain. And, oh yeah, why do you think they call it Dope-amine? This is your brain, this is your brain on chocolate. But I digress.

Real love is about caring for someone so much that you are willing to give up your silly little ego-issues for theirs. That is, lie to them all the time to tell them how much you love them, even when they are being an idiot. Listen to them when they talk without interrupting. Let them talk about themselves without talking about you. That’s love. But it is also a lot of work. Where is the dessert? Where are the chocolate donuts?

Yeah, you’re young, you’re in the blissful stage of all of this stuff. Follow your heart or your gut or whatever you follow. Guys, you know what you follow. So do it. If you meet someone and there seems to be chemistry there, eat chocolate together, drink good champagne (Korbel Brut is a good choice) and drive yourselves crazy with love. When it's hot, it's hot – And when it's not, it's not.

How do you know you’re in love? Don’t worry, you will know.