The Michigan Man's Guide to Designer Jeans

by Sean Vidal

If any guy thinks women don’t pay close attention to their backsides, they are horribly mistaken.   Women love baseball players because their uniform shows off how tight their thighs and buns are. What does this have to do with designer jeans?  Let me tell you. 

Designer jeans are not only all about quality denim but also a quality fit.  Having a tight, tailored fit around the upper legs can drastically change the look of your bottom half. 

Another reason women check out guys’ asses is because they are obsessed with labels and brand names.  Expensive designer jeans have their own unique pocket designs.  Pocket insignias started in the ‘70s when designer jeans became popular and they still exist with designers today.  These insignias designate a pair of jeans as expensive and the man wears them as either rich, stylish or both, and can attract many fashion-savvy women. 

As shallow as you think men are, women are much shallower, but they try to keep it to themselves.  Women get dressed up for other girls as a little passive-aggressive competition between each other, not for guys. 

But you might be saying to yourself, “My girlfriends aren’t materialistic and obsessed with labels!” This means you are mistaken or have hippie, liberal ugly girlfriends who don’t groom their private places. Beautiful women unconcerned with brand names are out there, but good luck finding them. 

So in order to win that blonde beauty, and maybe some of her hot friends too, throw away those baggy, torn, paint splattered jeans from Hollister or Abercrombie or Levi Strauss or wherever.  Spend a little bit more money and get a superior pair of jeans—your ass will look better and you’ll probably pull some better looking ass. 

Here are some of my favorites in male designer jeans: 

Seven for All Mankind 

Sevens used to have a more rugged, thick feel to them a couple of years ago. They didn’t just have a quality cut but were also durable and could take a beating. Now Sevens are manufactured for look and comfort, not durability.  Working spandex into the fibers of their jeans, Sevens have created pants that flex as you walk.  This has an upside and a downside.  With every step you take the pants will stay tight on your legs.  But the durability of the denim is no longer up to par with competitors.  Holes and tears can occur because of heightened activity or the bottoms can wear away due to drag or water, especially in harsh Michigan winters. 

Sevens have great pockets and ever changing designs, like the A-Pocket.  Stay away from beads or crazy colorful designs on the pockets.  Keep it simple, sleek and sexy and you’ll be a 10 in your Sevens. $140-$210. 

Diesel

Rough and tough jeans for backyard baseball or dress-it-up denim to accompany a sport coat for the club—Diesel’s jeans are versatile.  

Mixing strong denim with a wide variety of washes, Diesel has made jeans for the active young professional.  Diesels can take the abuse of any kind of weather or salt on the ground, making them perfect for a place like Michigan. Straight leg, low-rise styles are usually the best bet. Although Diesels are pricier than most they are worth it and will last longest. (And don’t we all want to last a little longer?) $160-$260.

Rock and Republic 

More than anything, Rock and Republics have the best pockets in the biz. The stylish “R” that adorns the backside comes in all different color combinations and they are all wonderful. The colors of the pocket designs are expertly contrasted with the washes and fades of the jeans. 

Most comparable to the new construction of Sevens I described earlier, Rock and Republics are the jeans you save for a night on the town, not a 35-minute walk in the rain to class. This brand’s designs run long.  This is either because they like tall people or because they expect everyone to take their jeans to a tailor, something you’ll need to do, unless you’re around 6-feet-2-inches. $200-260. 

True Religion 

Best for people who like to wear light jeans, True Religion focuses on a mix of light and gray denim. 

Many new jean companies have some kind of straight-lined pocket design going from the left to the right of each pocket. butTrue Religion has a big horseshoe design on the cheeks of its “Fergie famous” denim (“Seven jeans, True religions, I say no but they keep givin”--- “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas). 

True Religions do seem tougher than most designer jeans like Diesels but many rips and tears have already been put into the denim for vintage effect. 

With unnecessarily big pockets and the regular ripping and tearing, True Religions seem to look better on girls than on guys.  They aren’t exactly my favorite but if you can find a nice dark wash with no rips they’ll be a good fit. (And P.S. Currently they have a great white pair for $172.) $175-310. 

A.G. 

An abbreviation for Adriano Goldschmied, the former main designer of the company, A.G. offers a conservative, rich jean great for everyone. The brand focuses mainly on simple dark blue washes and styles. 

These jeans are for the silent, confident types.  They aren’t flashy or that colorful, but with a noticeable pocket design and fashionable styles, AG jeans gives off an air of affluence and security. $180. 

Mavi 

The are the best designer jeans for short people. They are also the least expensive jean—for a couple reasons—but you should still like them. 

The washes aren’t as intricate.  The manufacturing of the jean is basic but still comfortable.  But they don’t fit as well as the other brands.   

If you are looking for a jean that doesn’t hug your upper thighs as much, this is the brand for you.  They make the relaxed fit work.  And at only 80 bucks a pop or $50 on sale, who can complain? $88-110. 

Guess  

Guess makes the perfect jeans for the guy who thinks designer jeans are gay.  They are perfect at making a pseudo-relaxed fit/boot-cut straight leg.  They aren’t cut as closely as most boot-leg designer jeans but still give off the style really well. 

Their pockets are usually fun and seem to belong to jeans more expensive than they actually are. Guess jeans pull off a comfortable, stylish design and look without costing 200 bones, something that everyone can appreciate. $89-118. 

Remember to always get straight leg, slim-fit, boot-cut or low-rise. And avoid anything with a carpenter loop on it like the plague.