Denim Skirts
The Root of MSU's problem, and perhaps, of all evil

Rachel Wilkerson

I spent the summer in New York City working at a fashion magazine. I knew I’d come back to Michigan State University fashion bitter.

I was fashion bitter before I left—I would have to be, or I wouldn’t have ended up at an NYC fashion magazine in the first place. As spring semester went on, I grew increasingly depressed by campus style—or, really, the lack thereof.

After 12 weeks in a city where trends are over before Midwesterners have even heard of them, I now walk across campus every day hoping to see that one student who has piled on a few extra bangles or has the panache to wear little colored ankle socks with white Keds sneakers. Instead, I see denim mini skirts.

Denim mini skirts are the root of MSU’s fashion problem, and, perhaps, of all evil.

Everywhere I turn I see girl after girl in a frayed, light-denim skirt and either a sorority T-shirt, MSU T-shirt or cleavage-bearing tank top of the “wife-beater” variety. I can only guess that because it’s been so hot, no one wants to wear jeans to class and everyone abhors jean shorts.

The next best option seems to be a jean skirt. I understand that way of thinking, I do. Some girls, I assume, even feel like they are taking their outfits to the next level by wearing denim skirts. I imagine they pull back the shower curtain on their dorm “closet” and, as they put on their skirt, 2006 Izzone T-shirt, Old Navy flip flops and Tiffany sterling silver bead bracelet, think, “Wow, I am dressed up and look cute for class today!” It is done in the hopes that a hot T.A. or frat guy will notice. In their minds, wearing a jean skirt earns them fashion extra credit and more Facebook friends.

Wrong.

The first problem with jean skirts is they do not flatter anyone who has a high school diploma. Hmmm…looks like everyone who goes to MSU is out! Most stores that sell jean skirts have a mainly teenage shopping base: Hollister, Abercrombie, American Eagle.

Mall shopping.

Food court couture.

Not cute.
And not cut for girls who have gained the Freshman 15 (or, let’s be honest, 40). Sure, it looks OK on the mannequin at Wet Seal whose legs resemble toothpicks and hips are nonexistent. But denim skirts are extremely unflattering on anyone who has a womanly body.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a womanly body. But you wouldn’t put your Skipper’s clothes on your Barbie would you?

Denim skirts are cut very short, and when a girl with hips wears one, it gets an inch shorter. This puts them hemline right across the fullest part of the thigh.

MSU girls walk to class. They huff and puff from Brody to Hubbard. They have full thighs.

Because of the necessity of walking to class, the skirt is almost always paired with some type of flats—and because it’s hot, that generally comes in the form of flip-flops.  But flats make people look short and stumpy. So now you’ve got a too-short skirt cutting a horizontal line across the widest part of a woman’s body and shoes that give the illusion of dwarfism.

And yet people continue to wear this combination regularly…?

Don’t believe me? Hang out near the stadium on a football Saturday. Denim skirts are more ubiquitous than drunken freshman boys shouting “GO GREEN!” and hoping to elicit a response from everyone they pass.

Ladies. There are other options.

Want fashion extra-credit in class? Wear a dress. Lighter and more comfortable than a denim skirt, the wearer immediately looks cool, feminine and stylish. It takes less time to put on, but never fails to say, “I give a shit.” 

Determined to wear that Hollister hip highlighter? At least pair it with a hint of a heel or wedge, not shower shoes.

Not sure what to wear to tailgate? Why not wear, I don’t know, jeans, so when you’re climbing hundreds of stairs and standing on the bleachers, the row in front of you isn’t exposed to your bikini line? If you really think it’s going to be that hot, try chic shorts. I know everyone is conscious of “chub rub” when they wear shorts, and the riding up that can occur when walking in them, but if you want to show off your legs, give little shorts a try. If you really want to wear a skirt to a football game (as you read that sentence, I hope you realize how ridiculous it sounds), maybe a white pleated tennis-inspired style would be a better option. They don’t make girls look as hippy and all those pleats make for a nice breeze at first-and-ten. (Denim skirt = sticking to anything you sit on.)

It’s time to grow up. We’re in college. We’re women. When you dress like an eighth grader, you will think like an eighth grader and you will be treated like an eighth grader. If I were to wear a denim skirt, I believe I’d do things like forget my lunch and call my mom to bring it to me during third hour. I’d maybe wear it when my JV softball team had a dress-up day and hope it caught the eye of my “crush” in driver’s training. Perhaps I’d tie a sweater around it when I got my period unexpectedly in study hall. I’d definitely accessorize it with mild acne, self-loathing, ACT study guides and an MIP.

But if you must, must, must have your ass touched by denim that is not in the form of pants, do it like this.

Technically a denim skirt, but so chic.

Your crush won’t know what hit him.