From Halloween to Slut-o-ween

Lisa Ermak

I never thought there would be a day when a guy would take a sexy insect back to his place or a nurse practitioner could let practically everything hang out but her nipples, and still keep her job.

But there is such a day, and it’s October 31st.

At MSU, Halloween holds just about the same caliber as Welcome Week, but on Halloween all the ladies have an excuse to dress up as complete whores and, while they’re at it, go door to door collecting red Solo cups full of beer, rather than innocently begging for candy at doorsteps.

This is a holiday I like to refer to as “Slut-o-ween”.

I started realizing just how big of a day Halloween was in high school when I went to go find the missing component of my Village People costume at our local costume store. I ran into my 40-some year old neighbor buying a naughty maid outfit. She was average-looking, no knockout soccer mom or even a MILF, which made me wonder, what possessed her to think she was going to look good in a French maid costume half the size of me?
 
And so my theory was born: women, of all ages, use Halloween as an excuse to release their inner whore. And why not? If practically 20,000 other ladies on campus are parading the streets half-naked or middl-aged women are going to costume parties with their husbands wearing teensey-weensy stripper costumes, no one can really stand out or be judged for it.

And the internet makes it extremely easy to dress for the occasion. One can find a skanky version of practically any costume online--everything ranging from slutty ninjas, to pirate hookers— I even saw a few whored out Harry Potters.

However, just as easy as it is to find distasteful costumes, it’s easy to find cute and creative costumes. And after seeing 20 nurses, 30 cheerleaders and even more firewomen and policewomen than I could count this weekend, the bubble bath with tiny pink balloons and the girl dressed as the Swiss Miss hot cocoa girl, complete with marshmallows in her hair, started looking way more appealing than full frontal flesh.

When I saw my mom’s Halloween pictures with her roommates from her college days in the 70’s it was hard not to hold back the laughter at first, they were all so appropriate and modestly dressed for what’s now seen as a crazy holiday. But I realized their costumes are still as popular as they were back then- a Navy girl, a Geisha girl, and a nurse, they just weren’t  ridiculously slutty looking, yet another reminder of how the holiday has completely evolved.  

Now, if you were to look up these costumes, the majority of what you’d find are sailor girls and nurses, even Geisha girls, with mid drift bearing costumes accented with high heels or with enough of a plunging neckline for cleavage to just pour out the front.

Sure, no girl really wants to wear an ugly mask and a furry body suit or be the bride of Frankenstein with blood gushing out of her carotid artery, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessary to jump all the way to other side of the spectrum and take all the mystery and fun out of Halloween by running around in a bra and panties and calling yourself a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

I’m afraid that the evolution from Halloween to Slut-o-ween is only getting worse and I’m scared to see what my kids will be wearing when they start going to Halloween parties. Hopefully it’s a phase that will soon pass, but I know it will forever haunt our generation when our kids dig up pictures of us from Halloween, laughing, and not because we were dressed too appropriately.