The Ways of Sparty
A behind the scenes look into the school's greatest hero

Nich Wolak

I sat in the Student Alumni Foundation office surrounded by students who truly wanted to become Sparty. I was just there for a story, a motivated freshman journalist foaming at the mouth to go “undercover.”

As the introductory meeting began, I was showered with illustrations of what the life of Sparty was like. People generally associate the Greek warrior with the ever-popular football and basketball games, but he spreads himself way thinner than that.

The giant regularly makes appearances at mascot camp, ESPN, weddings, other Michigan State events, and various other events around the state. During the height of his busy schedule he averages an event a day. His outfit may be green, but his collar is definitely blue.

The nation’s buffest mascot lives the life of a superhero; with secrecy and sacrifice being two other ‘s’ words that should be associated with him. The job is a lonely one without recognition because he can’t reveal his true identity; no one knows who to thank. A majority of the people he has to interact with are bratty kids and annoying drunks; imagine dealing with them while being in a sweat soaked costume, without being allowed to talk. After hearing all of these things I had so much respect for the job that Sparty did, but I wondered, why would anyone want to do this? I would find out the next week.

That next week I was presented my first opportunity to experience what being Sparty was like through a thirty-minute try-on period. After putting on the cushiony armor I was immediately psyched; I don’t think it would have been possible not to be. The people at the meeting weren’t lying about the sweat.  My body was immediately glistening. Having an enormous head was also an adjustment, as my neck felt like it was going to snap at any moment.

Strutting around put these negatives to ease.  I was a big, buff, famous, stud. Making my way through various parts of campus, I began to truly understand and appreciate the joy I could bring to people as Sparty.  Everyone was receptive to my antics.  The experience made me wonder…maybe this role was for me. The activities I did in high school certainly had prepared me for it: being in drama taught me how to be a performer, football built up my athleticism and strength, and being in a youth group, NHS, and student council helped me to develop in the areas of service and sacrifice. Regardless of how I was feeling, I knew I needed to go on with the experience for my story. The official tryouts awaited me the next day.

In the heart of the Breslin Center I was a nervous wreck, and I was going to be for awhile because the last audition was mine. Luckily I had my laptop with me; I put on some music from Ruckus to settle me down.  As I pondered my upcoming performance I began to realize that I did care about how I would do, I wouldn’t have been anticipating showing off otherwise. 

After getting dressed I waited for a nice lady to lead me into the place of my tryout. It wasn’t a long wait, but it certainly seemed like it because I suddenly had to urinate worse than I ever had in my life. Upon arriving in the tryout room I put aside my desire to pee and put on one heck of a show. Critics would have said it was energetic, creative, and nothing short of brilliant.

So what happened? Am I, the one who is typing this, Sparty? Perhaps the name at the top of this screen is a pen name. You won’t be finding out from me anytime soon, I have typed too much already. I would never reveal the secrets of the closest thing this school has to a hero.